Isnin, 19 September 2016

I wish you knew......❤

There was this boy, a boy like no other, who I observed whenever I had the chance. This boy was handsome and had this honest kind look, the sweetest smile and the most beautiful eyes. Although I observed him, I never felt observed by him, like really, how could someone like him could ever lay eyes on me?  I'm not as young as him and he was perfect. If only you knew, that guy was you.
I met him when I was scrolling a page on Facebook. I added him in my list and we got clicked very easily. When we first started talking, I literally couldn't sleep because of all the butterflies, the boy who had been my crush, finally spoke to me. I was taken by surprise when he called me on the phone. That was the first time I got to hear his voice. You, out of people,  I suddenly became super attached to you and I didn't want us to stop talking, but that was the last I heard your voice. We only chatted on WhatsApp but not as often. Yes, although you probably won't believe it, I still remember that day when you told me I was beautiful, at first it was hard to believe, but somehow, you made me feel that those words were the most honest anyone had ever told me. I had fallen hard for you. I couldn't take you out of my mind. I waited for your name to appear on my screen and whenever the cell beeped, I hoped it was a text from you. I was disappointed of course for it was not always from you. I could be very angry about the matter, but then again I'm talking about someone who I just can't stay mad at. We are not bound to any kind of commitment. We were just friends from the distance.
Days and weeks passed and we stopped talking to each other, our lives involved us in other important matters and we just stopped talking to each other, though I always wanted to start another beautiful conversation, but my fear was always that may be I was annoying you, so I didn't, and all that was left was me missing you. Would you be missing me too?  We got distanced when you shut off yourself from me the day you went back to your homeland for the summer break. I was prepared for the worst and that I had the feelings, that this could be the end of our connection. You were silent for the whole month, and I took it as an answer that you didn't want me to have anything to do with your life.  I was at the brink of losing my insanity for missing you, but what could I do?  I fought my own battle silently and forced myself to accept the fact that you weren't meant to be in my life. It hurt me whenever I saw your name on your status and that was the only source I had news about you. I dared not touch you, for I realized that if I wanted to heal my wounds, I had to stop touching it. 
And then something dreadful happened in your country. An outbreak exploded when your militant commander was killed in an ambush. Thousands flocked together to give respect to the deceased and there was an unrest in the valley.  Suddenly I was so worried about your safety which I shouldn't give a heed. Why should I?  You wouldn't care less for me and why should I for you?  However, my heart wouldn't abide to my logical mind. I couldn't be at ease until I knew that you were safe and sound.  It took me all the courage and guts to give you a call. It was so relief to hear your voice after such a long time.  I was lost of words. It was a short, brief talk and that was just enough to calm me down. Not long after that I got your message.  You were no longer in your homeland. I felt much happier for you and that you were then at a comfort zone, away from the riots. I thought I was over you after the long silence. You appeared out of nowhere and with your ability of always saying the right thing, you made me fall for you all over again. May I ask why?  I knew you could have left me as you did anytime now, but I thought that it's not your fault, maybe distance is what affected us.  When I talk to you now, I still get the same butterflies I got from the first time you talked to me, not one point less. What will happen next? I wish I knew....

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