Unbreak My Heart

I have to be pleased and give in to whatever I gain and come into and that I should not be possessive. There were no vows, promises nor oaths to whatever,  and that I should not bargain for more than just what I was designated. Make no move and just let the nature takes its course. I should know my limits and boundaries and that being grateful is what I should be. Yes, of course I am extremely indebted and thankful for the good turns. I thank you for the little chats and concerns. I really treasured and valued those little whiles. 

However, the truth is some people they don't love us. They don't even care about us. They just want to stay connected. So they do the minimal. A little phone call here and there, just checking on us. What they are really doing is maintaining the connection so when they need you or want you, they still have a  way in.  But bear in mind that every time you take her for granted, you're just teaching her how to live without you. Be careful how far you push her away, coz she could end up liking it there.

Sometimes walking away is the only option. Not because you want to make someone miss you or realize they took you for granted, but because you finally respect yourself enough to know that you deserve better.  When your absence doesn't alter their life, then your presence has no meaning in it. Don't trust everything you see... even salt looks like suar.
I know I'm not perfect. Not compatible and was so wrong to get attached to anyone. Worst still, if you fall with the wrong person, for the wrong reasons and at the wrong time.  You know you never plan to get trapped in this game but when you said you love someone, you really mean it and will do anything to keep it. You're faithful and you're loyal.  All you wanted was an effort to show the part to let you know that you're wanted and not just being taken for granted. If you couldn't do it, that's when it became 'The End".

My Tango

We chatted and expressed our feelings and ideas now, more often than not, and that he left me less lonely and gloomy. I could go through my day- to-day routines and habits in good spirits and moods.  In the evenings, I went out loitering at my chosen spots, but it is not too frequent now. My most-liked place is the mini cafe at the east entrance of the Aeon Mall. I accommodated myself on the usual best favoured stool at the long wooden bench, either scrolling and surfing the net or just taking out my notebook which I always have with me in my bag, and wrote something, whatever crossed my mind, like the one I'm writing now.

I was accustomed to the female cafe barristers  and that they often gave me polite words as a sign of welcome and recognition the moment they saw me advancing towards them.

"Welcome again, Madam" they greeted and grinned like a Cheshire cat. I ordered a cup of coffee as usual and just before I entered the corner, I bought myself a piece of fresh baked croissant at the bakery next to it. I liked this spot as it was not packed or full to bursting and was allocated with a little privacy, just nice for a tete-a-tete and lepakking. I lingered and lodged there for as long as I desired. 

Having seated comfortably , I began to jot down. He was always there in my mind and heart, never a second he wasn't there. He was my inspiration, my vision. People may wonder and marvel what had made me ever so damn hounded and taken over by this name.  I would say nothing. Because it is my essence, my personality!

When I love or like someone, nothing or no one could say about that, which would affect the opinions of what I hold in. Once I have made up my mind, I am fixed in my opinions, thoughts and beliefs,  worry not about rumours, naysayers or poison pens.  I trust my instincts and give great attention to details, planning and imagining my future while thoroughly enjoying the mindfulness of the present. Of course I do love to be courted, pursued and wooed like the others. As long as one take good care of me, I will take good care of one. I maybe slow in making a decision but once I am firmed and it will be difficult to change the path I have chosen.

I love to enjoy music and I have the ability to sometimes tune-in to my partner's needs, wishes and moment's desires.

I'm rather quiet but easy going. I respond extremely well to anyone who can capture my heart and make me feel secure and comfortable and he happens to have that kind of know-how. It may take quite sometime before I open up and blossom with sex, but the wait is worth it, especially when I am deeply in love - what I do, I do well, really well and I got better with time. I could be boasting a bit.

I can become possessive in love without a little deep heartfelt communication. I like to share feelings and I expect a lot from my partner - communication will be important to me throughout the relationship. I may be a bit demanding, perhaps try to share the thoughts, ideas and needs with me. I find value in communication. Frankly I am extremely generous. If there is something that he needs, and he let me know, I will bend over backwards to make it happen. I don't get angry easily, but when I do, I just become silent and cold, giving you the subtle hints at first, and then when the right moment comes, I will erupt like a volcano spewing hot rage and you will never want to be in my line of fire. And that only happens at desperate measures once in a blue moon, sometimes never at all.

I find him a compatible partner. He draws me out of my shell emotionally. The chemistry between him and me is strong, making an exceptionally satisfying. We might be slow to get things going and that we were once close to breaking off,  but our relationship develops, and we expect a long and happy connection together. We both don't know how long this attachment and coupling would last but all we know is that there is a great bond and correspondence between both of us and that we would like to keep it this way as long as it takes. When the time comes for us to let go, we will accept the fact that our roads taken have finally come to a dead end. Hopefully it would not happen so soon and painfully. ❤

The Myth of Candour

Honestly I don’t have the confidence. I don’t really have the trust either. What I justly am very definite is my emotional state. I adored this one name very deeply – simply untainted love and nothing else in between, no whys and wherefores of any kind, only man-to-man and without beating about the bush. And that I did not even design to be in this circumstance either. I fell for him instantaneously for what he is as a mortal.
Not once had I confronted with this person and I could tally the number of whiles we ever chatted. I could certainly not get his face mask expressions to ascertain whether his language was the truth or a simple white lie. I just loved him bluntly and genuinely from the bottom of my heart. 

I never ever undisclosed of how I sensed, what I reflected and what I expected from him. It had never been a tall tale. And he was responsive to it. Never once as I recalled, he turned his back on me or ever he articulated despising me and that I was only building castles in the air. It had been many full-moons since we've been hot and heavy. He gave me the impression that he was in this game, so I took it for granted that he did have some likings and fondness upon me and that I allegedly accepted it as not a one-sided affair which made me kept clinging to him until now, even though many times I was caught in between a tale and a truth. I was obsessed, so lustful and erotic that I could not afford to let him unattached, denying my own waking senses. I am a stubborn person. Being stubborn really just means I am unwilling to compromise on the things I find important to me. When I care for someone, I am dedicated to them and I may treat them a bit like my prized possession- my lucky romantic partner. I will standby for them forever. I am sensitive but I never hold grudges.

I am a similarity to this nice line said by a broken heart, ‘Please don’t come one more time in front of me, otherwise I’ll trust you again…’  I’m much too honest and forgiving and merciful to people I care. How could I not be?  It is my sweet-natured - my persona and uniqueness and that quite often and many times in my life, people took advantage of my oddity.

I have always had this feeling of surprise mingling in my mind that, why some people they were not heroic enough to express and uncloak their truth. Keeping or telling one’s true hunch and stance is either way, painful and throbbing,  but it is better to kill it in one shot then to murder someone in slow death. Be bold and speak up the truth. Stop masquerading!

The Sensuous Encounter

It was all in her imaginations. All that she wanted to do to him when they met. She still couldn’t believe she had actually come to him. She was having a hard time falling asleep the night before the big day. She would take the midday flight from her hometown to the capital city before boarding the next airship heading west. She was counting every tick of the seconds throughout the five-hour journey.

Expecting he gave her the astonished look, she was thrilled it had the opposite effect. He smiled briefly, walking through the crowds towards her. Breathless, her heart thudding against her chest. She watched his long strides take him swiftly towards her.  The expression on his face made her suddenly uncertain. He had seemed like such a gentleman. Had she misjudged him? Inhaling deeply to gain her confidence, she dragged her half-full suitcase, and quickened her pace towards him. She was filled with nervousness and doubts. But she brave herself and acted that she was just okay. Their eyes met and he threw her a smile - the prettiest smile she had ever seen. He was tall, with a pair of gorgeous eyes and the stare was so intense and there’s a little bit of devil in those eyes. Chest tight with emotions and feelings she could barely comprehend. Her heart fluttered so hard that she felt it could burst and stop beating.

‘Hi… !’  his familiar hoarse voice broke the ice, while he held out his hand for a shake. She gave a soft reply she knew he barely heard. Her breath hitched at the explosion of feeling and thought thrumming through her. He looked so dominant, so beautiful, like he was created specifically for seduction. Holding out her hand to accept the shake and that their skins touched for the first time. Blood gushing through her veins giving her the uneasy sense of tremendous desires. It felt as if all the air had been suddenly sucked out of her chest. 
She felt a rush of heat climbed her neck and bathed her cheeks, and she paused a while, overcome by the fluttery feeling in her stomach. She pulled him closer and hugged him so tightly , her arms wrapped around his body for a second, 'This is me...Please don't hate me.. ' and she tilted her head to look up at him and gave him a deep kiss on his cheeks. She was aware that he could sense the pounding of her heart on his chest. He was warm and human after all.  Her lips trembled for a second before she finally put on a smile. Words failed her and she was speechless. She shivered, surprised and ashamed at the way her body reacted to him. But her mind battled between what was right and what felt wonderful.

Once they had gotten over their awkwardness, helping her with the luggage bag, he ushered her out of the crowded hall and hailed a taxi to take her to their love nest.