Sabtu, 14 Januari 2017

You Are My Everything

He is unreplaceable - an individual who has a unique purpose, fulfillment and mission in life, born by the result of millennia of environment and heredity, combined in an unpredictable way that could never happen before or again. And I considered myself blessed to have bumped into someone exceptional. He's my idol , my Prince Charming , my paradise and that I would happily get stranded on him for a lifetime, for my limited time. He is the inspiration behind all that I do and the source of all that is good in my life. I am very indesicive and always having troubles picking my favorite anything, but without a doubt , he is my favorite everything.

There has never been anyone like him and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in uniqueness as he is, would ever crossed my life in the future time and ever. And that what makes him valuable and the most beautiful to my eyes. I didn't plan to fall this hard on him when I found him. It was when my soul saw him and it kind of went, " Oh there you are. I've been looking for you". 

I have a crush on his mind. I fell for his personality and his looks are just a big bonus. I didn't plan it and that I wanted this unexpected kind of love to happen. The one where you never know what is going to happen next, but you trust and believe that everything will be okay as long as you're connected to him. You trust him with your head and heart and he's the best thing that has ever happened to you. Believe me, it is a difficult task to handle such emotions from the distance because some of the toughest things in the world are to really want someone, and not have them around you. Those are the times when you don't know what to do. All you can do is wait. I honestly had no idea that he would be so important to me. I may not be his first, date, kiss or love. But I want to be his last everything. 

Sometimes I get a little jealous, thinking that someone else over there could make him happier than I could. It's ridiculous isn't it? You are not reachable and faraway and you expect someone who barely know you would be that loyal and faithful to you! This is love the cruelest way. In this crazy world, full of change and chaos, there is one thing of which I am certain. One thing that does not change - my love for him. I know that I am not the prettiest, smartest or most fun and exciting girl. But I know that no matter how hard and long he keeps looking, he'll never find somebody that loves him like I do. I don't ask him to reciprocate the feeling. All i ask him is to respect what I feel. Because falling for him was never something I planned.

Sabtu, 7 Januari 2017

When The Heart Hungers

The sky was dark and gloomy again. The sounds of drizzles was clearly heard outside her window. She was awaken by the tapping of the raindrops on the leaves of the manggo trees in the lawn. The monsoon still lingered on and likely to persist for the whole month of January. She was wide awake but was too lazy to get up for it was still not dawn yet.

She turned in early that night. The whole afternoon the previous day she was with a close friend, Lizzie , over a cup of drink at a cafe. They had not met each other quite a while since the five-week-year-end-school-break. She received a text from her inviting her to meet up. She never turned down anyone's request especially from a good comrade like Lizzie, so she went to fetch her willingly and spent the whole half-day at the Mall.

Upon seated at the chosen corner, her friend instantly broke her curiosity, inquiring her of the long silence. "You are so quiet nowadays. Is something bothering you? Is there anything that you wanna share with me?". She interogated her, looking concerned and worried. "You're not you these days...", she added seriously.

Blinking blankly in the dim of the room light, she recalled those conversations at the cafe. Truthfully she had not being honest with her friend. There was some sincerity as described by her mate - she was avoiding from the world around her lately.  She had a lot of things in her mind that  she would very much  like to share with everyone but that would not help lighten her burdens she was shouldering either, instead it would create more damage than not. She knew there was no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside her. It was indeed killing her softly. Her life was really in a mess. It was like having broken ribs, on the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.

She believed not everyone could understand what was going on in her brain now and that she would rather lock up whatever she was protecting, safely behind closed doors for the time being. She could only tell her story when it didn't make her cry, because it was then that she knew she had healed. Even now, as she was putting down her words on the paper, her chest was heavy and almost in tears. She was sorry to have misled her. She had no choice but to tell a white lie. She wouldn't want to ruin and have second thoughts upon everything she had perfectly planned unless something unexpected should happen on the other side of the globe, then she would have to reconsider her whole scheme because as they say, "Seasons change, so do people".

She sighed deeply and slowly, little by little, a doppleganger came to light. The one who has always been the first to emerge the moment she woke up and opened her eyes in the past eight months. She had learned to endure all the hurts, the pains and injuries, tolerating all the uncomfortable feelings of jealousy and bitterness caused by this one untouchable ghost. Her affections had brought her down to her kness,  to the limits and extent that she had to sacrifice every bits of her self-respect that cease to exist - to humble herself to the one General from a distant land. To be with him. That's all she wants.💘

Jumaat, 6 Januari 2017

The Journey's End

In three weeks she would be on her way to the land full of wonders and mysteries - to her most awaited moment. She spent her days as if nothing was bothering her when in reality there was a big question mark in her head. She was unsure of herself more than she was of anything else now. It wasnt the trust issue or losing the faith in anyone, but more to her inner voice. The truth was, her guts and confidence were diminishing really. She wanted to be excited about the whole scheme, but the thought of how it would be on that day,  distracted her instantly. Even so, she was preparing herself for it. She spent her days and routine as usual and that she would just take a deep breath and sighed, trying to calm herself and sway her mind away from the uneasy thoughts everytime those imaginations came through her mind which made her cold feet.

The weather was said to be at a lower temperature and that she had made a few adjustments to her attires with a few sweaters and thick clothings for the five-day-stay to keep herself comfortable in the new environment. A small luggage would do as she didn't want to be haggling with it in difficulty. Furthermore five days and four nights would not be that long, just a very short duration and that the trip was fixed to that extend only; although she could lengthen it for a few more days as the school break was prolonged to nine consecutive days in conjunction with the Chinese New Year celebrations - meaning that her entire vacation was totally during the public holidays ! She did not even have to ask for a leave and would not be jeopardizing her duties at work. That was very good indeed! But she was rather frustrated as the extension of the festive holidays was not announced and circulated earlier so that she could plan her trip iterinary more condusively, because she really wanted to cross the border going north to the Cold Mountains as she was that close to the region then, and that this would be a good chance for her to step her feet on her favorite place of destination since school girl. However, her dreams would not come true after all as she was told that the arrangements to visit the land should be made earlier otherwise it would be very costly and that she would just have to stick to the previous schedule. Looks like her dreams would remain unfulfilled forever. However she was optimistic that her very journey to this part of the globe, hopefully would not be the first and the last. Ameen.